When I was pregnant with my first baby, Riley, I thought I had it all figured out. At the time, I was working as a pediatric RN. I had spent years in the hospital caring for infants and their families, so I assumed my degree and professional experience would be more than enough to carry me through birth, breastfeeding, and postpartum.
But I was wrong… so wrong.
Postpartum was incredibly hard. Breastfeeding was a daily struggle, especially with Riley being a pandemic baby when access to in-person lactation support was limited. I suffered in silence for far too long, feeling lost, overwhelmed, and bombarded by motherhood. If I—a nurse—felt this way, I knew so many other women must be feeling it too.
By the time I prepared for my second birth, things were different. I invested in education, tools, and support. The difference was night and day. I was informed. I was empowered. I knew what to expect, what I wanted, and what I didn’t. I could advocate for myself in ways I hadn’t before.
Birth and early motherhood humbled me in ways I never expected. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the medical knowledge—it was that knowledge alone wasn’t enough. What I truly needed was preparation, support, and a deeper understanding of what this journey was really like.
Looking back now, as a mom of three and someone who has walked alongside many families through their own journeys, I can see so clearly the things I wish I had known before my first birth.
Here are five lessons I learned the hard way—ones I hope will help you feel more confident and prepared than I did in those early days.
1. Professional Experience Doesn’t Replace Birth Preparation
I assumed that because I was a nurse, I’d naturally know what to do. But being on the other side of the bed as a laboring mom is a completely different experience. Birth is not just medical—it’s physical, emotional, and spiritual. I wish I had invested in childbirth education that covered comfort measures, positions, advocacy, and navigating interventions with confidence.
2. Breastfeeding Doesn’t Always Come Naturally
I thought breastfeeding would be easy, almost instinctual. After all, it’s the most natural thing in the world, right? What I didn’t realize is that breastfeeding is a learned skill for both mom and baby. Understanding latch, supply, pumping, and what those first weeks can look like would have saved me so much stress. Taking a class before birth would have been a game-changer.
3. Your Birth Team Shapes Your Experience
The people in your birth space matter more than you think. I didn’t fully realize the impact of having a supportive team—people who advocate for you, encourage you, and help you feel safe. Now I always remind expectant moms: choose carefully who will be in your birth space. The right support can transform your experience.
4. Informed Consent is a Right, Not a Courtesy
During my first birth, I went along with what was suggested, trusting that it was the “right” thing. What I didn’t know then is that I had the right to pause, ask questions, and fully understand my options before agreeing to any intervention. Informed consent isn’t just about saying “yes” or “no”—it’s about understanding the why, the risks and benefits, and the alternatives. That knowledge is power.
5. Postpartum Planning is Essential
Like many first-time moms, I put most of my energy into preparing for labor and delivery—but not nearly enough into planning for postpartum. Those early weeks at home were some of the hardest of my life. Now, I encourage every mom to prepare just as much for postpartum: meals, rest, recovery, emotional support, and realistic expectations all matter.
Final Thoughts
My first birth was a turning point. It opened my eyes to how much support mothers truly need—and how little of it is offered in traditional healthcare. That experience eventually led me to create Thrive Mama, a space where moms can get the education and encouragement I wish I had back then.
If you’re expecting, here’s my biggest advice: don’t do it alone. Invest in your preparation. Surround yourself with support. Know that your voice matters. You can step into birth and motherhood feeling confident and empowered.
Because when you feel supported, you thrive.
– Lauren 💛