Breastfeeding is often described as something that should come naturally — something your body and your baby are biologically designed to do. And while that is true on a basic level, it leaves out a critical piece of the story: natural does not mean easy.
When breastfeeding is painful, stressful, or doesn’t work the way you expected, many parents immediately internalize that struggle as failure. They assume their body isn’t capable, their baby isn’t good at feeding, or that they simply weren’t “meant” to breastfeed.
None of that is true.
One of the biggest reasons breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned is lack of the right kind of support — or support that isn’t specialized enough. Many lactation consultants are knowledgeable and compassionate, but just like in any healthcare field, levels of experience and advanced training vary. If you’ve seen an IBCLC and you’re still struggling, that doesn’t mean you’ve reached the end of the road. It often means you haven’t yet connected with someone who specializes in your specific challenge.
Early guidance matters more than most parents realize. Being told to “wait it out,” “your baby will grow out of it,” or “this is just normal newborn behavior” can lead to worsening pain, inefficient feeding, supply issues, and emotional burnout. On the flip side, the right support — even later in the journey — can completely change outcomes.
Another major contributor to breastfeeding struggles is unidentified oral restrictions or feeding dysfunction. Symptoms such as nipple damage, painful latch, clicking or popping on and off, long feeds, slow weight gain, gas, reflux-like symptoms, or a baby who seems stressed at the breast are often dismissed as normal. While some newborn adjustment is expected, persistent issues are not something you’re meant to tolerate.
These symptoms often point to oral-motor challenges. Sometimes that includes tongue or lip ties — and sometimes it doesn’t. Most pediatricians are not trained to assess tethered oral tissues or feeding mechanics, and even some lactation consultants may miss them without advanced oral assessment training. Passing the IBCLC exam does not guarantee specialization in complex feeding cases.
There’s also the myth that because breastfeeding is natural, education isn’t necessary. In reality, breastfeeding involves anatomy, positioning, latch mechanics, newborn behavior, milk transfer, and recovery — all learned skills for both parent and baby. Prenatal education and proactive support make an enormous difference.
So if breastfeeding didn’t unfold the way you hoped, please hear this clearly:
✨ You didn’t fail.
✨ You weren’t the problem.
✨ You deserved informed, individualized support.
And it is never too late to seek it.